The Big Arrival  Disappearance  AMIF Reunion  Midfielder  Remastered CDs  Juicy Cuts  ALAS  Vibraphonic  European Tour  East European Tour  Norman Bland Band  hope so  Woolly Hat  Christmas Cancelled  Abacus Count's Online Compendium  Bellicose Peace Tour  TV appearance  Olympic Torch  Radio Play!  Crazy Bus  mini album  Moz  CQB Quits  Steven & the Jellyfish  New Jellyfish song  Rest of the Year  Lost & Found  iggy & ziggy  Play On  Olympic Torch Dilemma  Hors d'oeuvre  You Never Know  Art Nouveau  Christmas in June  Adrian Memoir  Absent Without Lunch  Back Of The Net  Praefectus  CQB Christmas  Seven Happy Instrumentals  Tom Robinson Show  A.Count's Compendium  Remembered, Amended, Upended  BBC Come Clean  Music For Ears  Santa Won't Wait  More is Less  Surprise Scotland Tour  Saint Victorious  Lift Music  The Last Post 


What's Happened, What's Happening & What's Likely To Happen
(& What Didn't Happen)

December 2017
The Last Post

They say no news is good news – and sometimes that’s true. The latest news is that there is some news from the ever more elusive CQB. At CQBHQ we have received a package that looks like an old pizza box just about held together by what looks like a few waterproof plasters. Inside is a letter that we print here in full:

“Dear All and Sundry. This is my last post as I won’t be sending anymore. I attach [using chewing gum - ed] my latest masterpiece that as you know has been some considerable time in getting there. I assume it will have been worth the wait. I don’t intend to go beyond my call of duty by touring and promoting – I will leave my final work to stand or fall on its own merits or not. Having now relinquished my musical responsibilities I herewith cut ties and release myself of contract [he never actually had one - ed]. I wish to relieve myself and will do this. I’d like to take this opportunity to also express myself – and in doing so thank all of those people who have helped me along the way. I additionally hold no malice whatsoever towards those who have hindered me. I send prayers and good wishes to all my fans who have followed me over the years. But please don’t follow me anymore as I wish to be alone – or at least among those who don’t recognise me. My work is now done. Love CQB xx”

So there you have it. Here at CQBHQ we don’t know how to feel – so we’ve decided to celebrate. As part of our celebrations we release the new and seemingly final CQB album called ‘ALMOST’. It's comprised of 17 tracks that on first listen are relatively dark and turbulent things contained within quite a few decent hooks and earworms, ending on a curiously positive and upbeat note. We have no idea what it sounds like on a second hearing. We also have no idea what, if anything, happens next – but if something does you’ll probably hear it first. We sign off with a sense of fulfilment, completion - and of a difficult job done well. Cheers!

ALMOST is available here for free on a first-come first-served, ‘last out the building turn the lights off’ basis.

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January 2017
Lift Music

In memory of 2016, we at Crazy Quilt Bouquet HQ have decided to release all 36 CQB instrumentals as a free download titled 'Lift Music' - available here. Each track has been lovingly remastered ready to accompany you through 2017 and beyond. We hope these tracks can occasionally offer you some hope, energy and relaxation in what will undoubtedly be The Future. The current whereabouts of CQB himself remains a mystery - and to be honest we don't really care anymore. If recent rumours are to be believed then the cheesy smell that keeps drifting back and forth across the River Mersey suggests that he may be holed up somewhere in Cheshire - hopefully putting the finishing touches to his band's long-awaited new album. Should further information become available we will immediately pass it on - and would appreciate you doing likewise...

Lift Music is available for free download NOISETRADE.

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December 2016
Saint Victorious

"MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE" shouted CQB through the CQBHQ letter box. "I'VE LEFT YOU A PRESENT ON THE DOORMAT - DON'T TRY AND FIND ME - IT'S COMING...". Despite racing to the door at tremendous speed we were unable to catch sight of the enigma that he would like to see himself as - though from the smell it was definitely the elusive CQB. We've been trying to track him down after his unexpected early return from Scotland in a police car, when he ran off and jumped onto a National Express coach bound for Widnes. Here at CQBHQ we've been heading off complaints and enquiries about the lack of new music from CQB since he implied imminent new material was imminent back in May. We can only assume and hope that a new collection of songs will eventually show itself - and hopefully be listenable. To be honest we're really losing faith. In the meantime we have uploaded 'Saint Victorious' - the 'present' posted through our door - and have made it available for free to anyone who would like to download it. We're loathe to say it, but we actually think it's quite good...

'SAINT VICTORIOUS' is available here with three other CQB Christmas songs.

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May 2016
Surprise Scotland Tour

Crazy Quilt Bouquet are finally going on the road again. Having recently been seen practising playing in fields around Derbyshire and Nottinghamshire, they have now admitted that a caravan tour of Scotland is planned for May. In a phonebox call to CQBHQ, the increasingly enigmatic CQB said "Did you get the porcelain pic? We'll be taking in the top, the bottom and both the sides of it. And also a bit in the middle. We currently have six venues booked but the dates are to remain private for now to avoid the rush". When asked why now? And why Scotland? And what's with the porcelain? CQB replied "We know this will be a surprise to everyone - especially those like you who doubted us - but as we're spending so much time in the studio we'll be needing a holiday to get over ourselves and heal the riff rifts. So a tour of Scotland it is. And we like porcelain". He quickly added "In the meantime studio noodling is still in progress and a new collection of super songs is likely soon. We hope the results will be music to our fans' ears, eyes and noses".

With that the pips sounded and the line went dead. We await further news and details of any specific dates and venues.

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February 2016
More Is Less

CQB sneaked into CQBHQ again today. Although wrapped in an oversized snorkel jacket, breathing through an actual snorkel and peering through steamed up goggles, there was no disguising his unique smell and aggressive attitude. It was definitely him. “There isn’t just one life you know” he muffled through his mouthpiece as he threw across the room yet another suspicious looking large brown envelope. “People shouldn’t reach their own conclusions” he continued, “or indeed decided one way or another. Or even make up their minds”. After CQB departed and the deep cleansing squad had been called, a delicate removal of the envelope’s contents revealed a large collection of sticky chrome cassettes and floppy disks. On locating appropriate equipment, further inspection resulted in the discovery of a substantial amount of recorded musical material that presumably relates to CQB’s past. Not knowing if this material is meant for public consumption, ignoring the old adage ‘less is more’ and in the spirit of not letting things lie and the Freedom of Information Act 2000, we have decided to make this music available online for those wishing to contextualise, deconstruct or debunk CQB. We have tried to make sense of things but failed, so now present this work for your listening and downloadability in a strictly confused way via the Jamendo links below.

We wish you luck and deny any involvement other than this:

The Woolly Hats

The Spinning Yarns

Other Things

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December 2015
Santa Won't Wait

"Well, well, well" said CQB in his annual Christmas Message to The Nation. "And Ho, ho, ho too". Speaking over a crackly line from his newly named 'Slagheap Studio' in the very deepest heart of Derbyshire, CQB sounded suitably seasonally sozzled - and a little too emotional. “I love everyone” he said tearfully, “and hope that everyone loves me. I’m sorry for all the people I’ve upset this year and hope the resurrection of my little Santa song will help matters smooth over smoothly – helpfully…”. He then coughed and blew his nose before continuing with “I look forward to you all listening to me next year when I give the world my currently undergoing recordings that I am undergoing at this very moment. I hope you’ll see me through…” With that CQB mis-replaced his receiver – and before correcting it could be heard muttering “It’s so dark. And I’m so alone”.

With all that in mind – everyone at CQBHQ wishes you all a very merry jingle and Hippity Hoppity twelve months in advance.

And it's good to know that BBC Radio Derby got into the CQB Christmas spirit by playing 'Santa Won't Wait' on Saturday - Cheers Dean and the crew. If you missed it you can listen again throughout this fabulously festive period via this.

Additionally, by clicking, touching, rubbing here you can listen and download 'Santa Won't Wait' for free - and two other CQB festive classics 'Christmas Time Again' and 'Alternativity' are also freely available to lighten your Christmas load.

Or you can also listen and download for free at Soundcloud by clicking here.

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September 2015

Hey hey, it seems that CQB have once again made it onto Tom Robinson's Radio 6 Mixtape with their new song CLEAN - Hurrah and hurrah again. It can be listened to and downloaded here

And more exciting news - a recent classified ad in local paper 'Chad' confirms that CQB is apparently/possibly working hard in a studio buried deep in the slag heaps of Derbyshire. The advert was placed in the 'family announcements and bereavements' section and says "Stop looking. I'm here. Working like a canary. New material in the pipelines... It's very dark. CQB xx".

Here at CQBHQ we have also recently released the first instalment in the ‘Music for Ears’ series – a collection of our favourite re-mastered songs from previous Crazy Quilt Bouquet albums. The first volume is available for free download now at NOISETRADE and includes the new track CLEAN.

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September 2015
BBC Come Clean

It's shocking but it's true! Despite all efforts at procrastination and malaise, Crazy Quilt Bouquet musical activity has been happening once again amongst the slag heaps of rural Derbyshire. It seems that regardless of all intentions - leads have been taped, microphones have been tapped, plugs have been wired, sockets have been plugged, gaps have been minded - and buttons, sliders, knobs and the like have been twiddled like nobody's business. After much ado about something or other, a brand and spanking new song called 'CLEAN' has finally been allowed out of CQB's private playroom and into the big, wide (and slightly scary sometimes) world. With magnificent speed, and only hours after completion, BBC Radio Derby literally/virtually picked it up and ran with it all the way to their studios to give it a first airing on Saturday 1st August. This is obviously very happy and exciting news for Crazy Quilt Bouquet followers, but as usual CQB himself is attempting to be enigmatic by issuing only a short and elusive statement that says: "Told you so. There is life after all. It does continue and the proof is in the pudding. Just ask the band!".

So, on CQB's behalf - many thanks go out to Dean and The Beat Introducing gang. If you missed it, then a new Uplifted, End-of-Summer version of 'CLEAN' is now available for free download here at SoundCloud and here at Jamendo.

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June 2015
Remembered, Amended, Upended

Not to be outdone by his life-time-travelling companion, and hot on the heels of Abacus Count's Compendium (see below), CQB has just published his own book titled 'Remembered, Amended, Upended Lyrics'. Weighing in at 336 pages, this hefty tome contains the lyrics to over 222 songs. In a number-blocked phonecall from CQB, on a very bad line, he shouted, "If your world is comprised of mainly sitting down and listening to my songs but wondering what they are about - then this is the thing for you. You can read all the words and make up your own mind. If you would like to consider this book as an excellent gift for your nephews or nieces I suggest you do...". There was then a sound of a flushing toilet followed by a lady-scream - then the phone went dead.

If you would like to think about present possibilities please make your way to here where you can do what you will.

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April 2015
A.Count's Compendium

No, it's not an April Fool. CQB's friend and long-time conspirator Abacus Count has published an actual proper book - made of paper. After the success of his online compendium (see link at top of page) Abacus has worked really, really hard and pulled out all the stops, commas and general punctuation to produce his biggest and best work yet. The immature world of Abacus Count has already been much talked about too much for many years, with rumour and myth often obscuring reality. But now AC has expanded and completed his compiled compendium allowing us at last a detailed insight into both his inner children and his outer parents. Full of pictures, poems and stories, A.Count's Compendium is a must for anybody who doesn't want for anything...

...available here and now.

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March 2015
BBC Radio 6 - The Tom Robinson Show

BBC Introducing with Tom Robinson on 6 music Head to, upload your music and you could have your tracks broadcast on BBC Radio BBC Introducing with Tom Robinson on 6 music
Well, What are the chances eh?! CQB has just rushed into our little office here at HQ brandishing badges galore and shouting "Did you hear it? Did you hear it? Did you hear it? Did you hear it?". It turns out that Crazy Quilt Bouquet's song 'Holidays in the Sun' got played by Tom Robinson on his BBC Radio 6 show on Saturday night - following a previous airing on BBC Radio Derby. Totally ignoring the fact that he's be AWOL for the last year, a very excitable and distinctly odorous CQB jumped up on a desk, welcomed himself with open arms and declared himself to be 'reborn'. "Finally" he said, "after much fore and afterthought I have been realised. It seems my good friend Tom has done me the return favour of offering me some space on his musical couch. It just goes to show that time is no impediment to true alliance and it's good to know that Tom hasn't forgotten me". On closer interrogation it seems that CQB once met TR in a pub called the County Tavern. "Sector 27 were about to perform at 'The Ad-Lib Club' in Nottingham during an early 80's tour and had popped round the corner for a swift half before the gig. I moved my coat aside so that Tom and his mates could sit down. Up until now he's withstood me from a distance - but it's nice to meet up again through the medium of Radio". After throwing badges at everyone yelling "Pin them. Pin them NOW!" CQB disappeared once more into his own world leaving behind only his delusions, stench and self-aggrandisement. We hope to hear more music from him soon but in the meantime...

... If you press, tickle or flick here you can download the 2nd March mixtape.

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January 2015
Seven Happy Instrumentals

As if there aren't enough things to worry about at the moment, CQB has now slipped under the door what he describes as a "mini-album of sorts containing seven happy instrumentals". Imaginatively titled 'Seven Happy Instrumentals' it also arrived with a "single-vision version of one the tracks - a tricky little jazz-funk number called 'Monastery' that used to be [and still is] a vocal track from my last 'proper' collection called 'You Never Know' ". Interestingly, all the other tracks sound rather similar to his previous releases - but without vocals. Despite his unknown whereabouts CQB continues to annoy staff at CQBHQ with his needy demands and enclosing a grubby little note he insisted that we "release these beasts now and without further ado or comment". So, in the spirit of doing what we're told we offer you a link below to a nice place where you can download for free the so-called mini-album and single...

...just tap here and you should get there.

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December 2014
CQB Christmas

CQB has made his presence known again by surreptitiously releasing three Christmas songs. He didn’t even have the courtesy to inform us here at CQBHQ and we only became aware of the tracks by accident when running a Trojan horse virus scan on our website. One track appears to be a remix of the song ‘Alternativity’, originally released in June 2013 under the pseudonym of Jolly Jerry Jarvo – one of CQB’s many so-called imaginary friends. The other two titles – ‘Santa Won’t Wait’ and ‘Christmas Time Again’ seem to be brand new recordings, and if so would finally confirm that CQB is indeed on the prowl again. No one really knows why CQB chose to remove himself from public life – but it is increasingly obvious that he is struggling to come to terms with his absent self and is looking for a way back to mainstream existence. No message was sent with these songs – in fact no songs were sent, just a dodgy link to a streaming website – but listening to the lyrics it’s clear that CQB is currently in a regressed state of mind and feeling childishly needy. Maybe if a few people were to send him positive Christmas wishes he might come out from behind his Derbyshire bunker, knuckle down to writing and recording some new material, and just grow up a bit.

By clicking here you can listen and download for free - Santa Won't Wait, Christmas Time Again and the new Prancer Mix of Alternativity.

Or you can listen and download for free at Soundcloud by clicking here.

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August 2014

The whereabouts of CQB remains a mystery though mysteriously mysterious packages have been arriving at CQBHQ lately - postmarked Derbyshire. Three packages have arrived over a period of three weeks and each poorly packaged package has contained a Compacted Disc with just one track on it and an accompanying sticky note written in code. The different coded messages in each package have so far proved to be uncrackable although one word stands out as dominant (mainly because it's underlined and repeated in each note) - Praefectus. The music on the Compacted Discs seems to date from a time long past. The limited style of the recordings does suggest they may have passed through the hands of CQB although, unusually, the songs are what are known in the trade as 'cover versions' and the lead vocal on each track is female. Given CQB's reluctance to perform any music other than his own, and given his many inferiority complexes in relation to, as he calls them, 'the lady land lords' and his poor grasp of relationships, general compromise and sharing techniques, it would seem unlikely that he would have let a 'worldwisely woman', as he also calls them, anywhere near his microphone - let alone let one sing the words of another. But it wouldn't be the first time that CQB has attempted to anonymously reveal his whereabouts in a roundabout way, nor would it be the first time he's tried to get publicity for old material when too self-obsessed to create anything new for anybody else. So weighing up the odds, pros, cons and likelihoodies we have decided to release these songs and let the questionable public decide.

Listen now to the three new old possibly Crazy Quilt Bouquet tracks featuring Praefectus by clicking here and let us know what you think. Or not.

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June 2014
Back of The Net

CQB raised his game today by giving permission by proxy for the release of his previously unknown football song 'England's Time Has Come'. This has been done through a time-delayed delivery of a small safe deposit box that was opened at our headquarters with the assistance of army personnel and St John Ambulance staff. A message inside read: "Today is the day that the beautiful game (football or soccer - depending on current location, class or age) once again takes centre stage. Although Brazil is a long way away, we will all be able to witness events through our tvs and exceptionally advanced technological gadgets. It seems only appropriate that at this difficult time I finally offer the world my message of support to our lads fighting overseas - it is only through them that we can realise our aims and objectives. To that end I hereby place at your (The World's) disposal my uplifting and optimistic song 'England's Time Has Come'. I also give my consent to the lyrics being translated (in good faith) for all those who cannot understand the English language. May all those involved in this noble enterprise fulfil our dreams". In accordance with CQB's wishes we have made this song available for worldwide distribution and you can now listen to and download for free 'England's Time Has Come' by clicking here.

Addendum: Anonymous message received at CQBHQ - "Due to unforeseen circumstances and depression it is advised that downloads of the song 'England's Time Has Come' have been temporarily suspended - as it obviously hasn't. It is likely that suspension, delay and otherwise postponement will last at least two years - possibly four. The song can still be heard but downloading and worldwide distribution now seem inappropriate..."

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March 2014
Absent Without Lunch

CQB has gone AWOL again. He’s not been seen, heard of, or even smelled since June 2013. Rumours have spread far and wide that an emotional breakdown was re-organised after the success of his ‘friends’ Jolly Jerry Jarvo and Adrian Memoir overshadowed CQB’s own shadow while on his way to a Tesco Metro. A worrying silence throughout Christmas and New Year only served to compound speculation - the most recent speculation speculating that his rose-tinted spectacles were trodden on near the ‘Reduced For Quick Sale – Still Fresh’ section during a particularly robust and austerity-driven food scrum. One partial sighting in a Little Chef (Balhaldie South) on the A9 near Dunblane appears to have been just an oversight, and a ransom note demanding £2.75 for his safe return - sent randomly to e-mail addresses borrowed from a dating site - has now reluctantly been accepted as an over-elaborate hoax by a single simpleton. The most consistent rumour from the rumour mill is that CQB is holed up in the basement of a rundown caravan on the site of a redundant mill somewhere in Derbyshire. This rumour has no experiential support whatsoever, but given the consistency of which it consists, there might be some truth in it... Previous history (is there any other?) encourages us to be patient and hope that if there is any truth in anything, CQB will soon resurface confidently restored to his tuneful self, and with musical offerings worth waiting for. In the meantime, the contents of this historically important and far-reaching website will surely suffice.
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October 2013
The Banned Paintings of Adrian Memoir

As a great appreciator of The Arts, CQB can often be found lurking around the fire escape doors of small and poorly secured exhibition halls, galleries and artist residencies. Using a technique he calls canvassing - he 'rescues' unwanted and uncared for works from their frames, rolls them into old inner tubes and 'reinvigorates' them. It is through this canvassing process that CQB has 'come across' the Banned Paintings of philosopher and artist Adrian Memoir. It is with great pleasure (and more than a little relief) that we have been able to put together a small exhibition of Adrian's work without his permission. So far CQB has been unavailable for comment, other than those made on Post-it notes posted in and around the toilets of major art galleries and museums in capital cities across the world. Most of them just say "Go see Ade - he's great!"...

See Adrian Memoir's Banned paintings now
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June 2013
Christmas in June ep by Jolly Jerry Jarvo

Asked why a so-called 'free' ep had been recorded for charity - and why it was about Christmas in June - CQB replied between mouthfuls of blancmange, "Well it's a very difficult time of year. It's either too late, or too early. And tinsel & turkey coach trips just don't do it for some people." The reason that CQB has been under arrest remains unclear, but on his release the first questions being asked by reporters were; "Who exactly is Jolly Jerry Jarvo?" and "Can't you stop spitting blancmange?" CQB has been absent from the music scene since 25th December, after his 24 track CD "You Never Know" failed to plummet from expected heights. Some have said he went into a deep depression (again). Others have said he was merely mistaken for a burglar trying to break into his own room at a Travelodge near Portishead. Travelodge themselves have failed to comment other than saying "Yes he was here. Now he's not. Someone's got to pay for the door." It seems that Jolly Jerry Jarvo is a close friend of CQB and that they met at a Depressives Anonymous meeting in Weston-Super-Mare. JJJ wanted CQB to help him become a star and offered as much dessert as he could eat if he succeeded. The ep, released on June 1st, has been said to be a 'kind of therapy' - but no one knows who said it - or what kind of therapy. It's also been described as "An ep like no other - featuring a Christmas song for all seasons, an eight minute rap and an instrumental with a 'mental' vocal". Though who described it as this remains a mystery. After finishing his last spoonful, CQB wished reporters and fans Happy Junemass, then wriggled his hands about saying "Here's the Church, here's the steeple. Look inside and there's the people... Hey, go figure!". After this he cast his bowl aside and the officer unchained him saying "Now be gone with you. And let us not see the likes of you in here again sonny." CQB has since denied rumours that he is having a very personal relationship with Jolly Jerry Jarvo or that he is enjoying his unjust desserts.

Listen now to the track "Alternativity" - the Christmas song you can play all year - by clicking here

And you can download all three of Jolly Jerry Jarvo's ep tracks for free by going to this link
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March 2013
Art Nouveau - Remi finally gets recognition

Remi Nissan, the famously revolutionary painter rescued from Poverté in Belgium, has finally been recognised for his outstanding work. He was standing outside Lidl preparing to return a shrunken pair of imitation Lycra socks, when a small boy of perhaps thirteen years shouted, "Oi you! I know you. You're that Remi Niceone." On turning to formally address the young whipper-snapper, Remi received a raw egg full in the face and heard the shout of "Oeuf!" Afterwards, although visably shaken and stirred - and somewhat bladdered on 'Nog' - Remi reportedly said to the police, "Eh bien, il est agréable d'être reconnu. Mais je veux le petit gars capturé et emprisonné". It's thought that Remi has used the incident as inspiration for some of his new work available to view at the Remi Gallery - although any obvious direct connections to his paintings and the egging remain elusive. Remi says he calls his new work 'Art Nouveau', not because it in anyway relates back to the well known visual arts movement popular from the early 1890s up to the First World War - but because it's new.

Pop over to Remi's Gallery to view some of his latest paintings
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December 2012
You Never Know

“The time has arrived” announced CQB. “But then it always does doesn’t it – unless you’re dead – which I’m not yet”. Waving a small plastic wallet in the air he then shouted through his megaphone, “Reporters have been pestering me all year to give a definitive time and place when my latest masterwork would be presented to the world – and now is the time – and this is the place”. At this point CQB slipped a disc, and then producing another one from his wallet exclaimed, “My back-breaking work has come to an end and the fruits of my loin-laboured hours are contained on this piece of plastic. Or should that be in this piece of plastic. Either way, it’s also virtually available as a free-for-all via the tangled web we have all woven”. With this CQB started sobbing and throwing kisses to the already dwindling crowd (who'd actually gathered for what they thought was a ‘buy ‘em cheap, keep ‘em sweet’ plastic illegal knock-off pre-Christmas auction). “I love you both” were his final words before collapsing in a heap and being wheeled off by a couple of handy paramedics. We wish CQB well and hope that his listeners enjoy each and every one of the twenty four tracks contained in this new collection. Anyone wishing to also send well-wishes can do so via the contact page without further ado.

'You Never Know' is the brand new collection of 24 tracks by Crazy Quilt Bouquet. It is available for free download by going to Jamendo.
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September 2012
Hors d'oeuvre

“Well at least it’s a start” said CQB to reporters on the serving up of a new song called ‘Pulling Her Hair Out’. This hopefully indicates the imminent release of a full menu of Crazy Quilt Bouquet material. “It’s just to whet the appetite, so to speak. To be consumed with a light white wine maybe, while the rest of the table is laid”. To extend the metaphor CQB then wielded some stained steel cutlery shouting “chops, chops! – must be getting on. My banquet awaits!” So we can only assume that the long-time-coming, probably overcooked main meal is on its way… To hear and download CQB’s latest morsel click this link and send out the party invitations!
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May, June, July 2012
Olympic Torch Dilemma

CQB once again found himself in a difficult dilemma when he was offered the chance to be a support runner for the Olympic Torch Relay. When he asked what exactly this entailed he was informed that a box of extra-long matches and a handy-size 24-hour emergency fire extinguisher were required to be within twenty feet of the Olympic Flame at all times throughout its epic journey and that the support runner was an essential part of the 2012 Olympic Health and Safety Initiative. A member of the International Olympic Committee stated in a press release that "CQB has been recognised for his peace keeping efforts during the 2008 torch relay and as a minor celebrity he would possibly be recognised again." CQB released a statement through his fax machine saying, "While I recognise the recognition I am receiving by receiving this honorable honour, I am concerned that a 70-day round trip up and down and round the UK, whilst obviously exciting and energising, could be bloody knackering and particularly hard on the calves." It's thought by this that CQB is referring to the young cows he's recently acquired and refuses to let off the leash. He added, "I also have an allergy to the little flammable bit at the end of matches - so it's a bit of a dilemma really". He went on to say, "Furthermore, when you consider what I did in 2008 to further the cause of more sporting and humanitarian endeavours, I see no cause to run any futher than I already have. And for the record, I have it on record that I'm working on a record - so I really need to get working on that. I would of course like to wish everyone concerned with offering me this opportunity the best of luck in finding an appropriately artistically endowed replacement." CQB also made a point of saying he would not be able to attend the opening ceremony of the Olympics on the 27th of July - "Well, I have a hair appointment booked in for that day and I'm not one to back out of a commitment".

You can read more about CQB's 2008 Olympic experience here 
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April 1st 2012
Play On

“I don’t know if you’re an illusion” laughed CQB to John Paul, the local pizzarazzi, “but I’m no fool”. When asked by the delivery boy why he’d written a happy, summery song in this, the cruelest of months, our hungry singer-songwriter smiled and replied, “Maybe it’s because love is in the air everywhere I look around. Spring is in the air also - in every sight and every sound. I know I’m not being foolish, in fact I know I’m being wise because it’s something I’ve come to believe in and it’s there when I look in the sky”. On flipping the box lid and taking his first anchovian-mozzarella bite he added with a cheesy grin, “It’s also in the whisper of the trees and the thunder of the seas young man” at which point the baffled youngster got on his moped and buzzed off. Turning away and closing the door, CQB’s last mumbled words were “I don’t know if I’m just dreaming, or if I feel sane, but this thin crust is right up there baby and it's got my name on it”. And that's all the information we've managed to glean about why the song 'Play On' has been written at this difficult time...

Click here to hear & download.
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iggy stardust & ziggy pop

"Oh what a tangled web we weave!" shouted CQB to onlooking onlookers as he sped down the main street on his hands-free moped. "I'm just a lad insane!" he yelled, ripping off his Harry Potter go-faster face-stripe. "I'm no dum dum boy!" he screeched as he cornered at nearly twenty miles an hour clutching his happy balloons. And with that he disappeared leaving only this.
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March 2012
Lost & Found

A bit of early spring cleaning seems to have uncovered buried treasure in the Crazy Quilt Bouquet vaults. "Well - AAAaaaacchhoooo!" said a dusty CQB, "I was just thinking to myself how nice it would be to have a bit of background music to flick my feathers to, when I came across a box of what looked like old tinsel, baubles, that sort of thing. I noticed a 'private - keep out' sticker on the side. That's the sort of note I write to myself when something's important, so I took a look." It seems a wealth of instrumentation had been unearthed. "And then it hit me" replied CQB, although no one had asked him anything, "these were those instrumentals that got lost moving from A to B that nobody knew about except me. These were the works that I dreamt of night after lonely night. And here they were at last in my hands again!" A teary CQB explained how since then "as a labour of love" he's been splicing and sticking back together tape and broken discs "trying not to make a pig's ear out of it" and is now ready to "let the babies out with the bathwater to see if they can swim". There are two collections, one containing tunes that span several years, and a second of just five from the 'hope so' sessions. "I hope the public are ready for these" said a frowning CQB as he headed back down the cellar. "I've had more than a little soul searching over this one... and I've no idea where the Christmas decorations are..."

'The Lost Instrumental World' is a collection of 17 tracks available for free download by going to Jamendo.

'e-motion' is a collection of five instrumental versions of songs from the 'hope so' album recorded in 2007 and is also available for free download by going to Jamendo.
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January 2012
Rest of the Year

The unclothed CQB "Blimey" said a sleepy CQB, " is that the time already? - Happy Nude Year". It has become apparent that after the release of 'Song from the Heart' at the end of 2010, and regardless of the fact that he intimated more music was on its way, CQB went home and promptly fell asleep. On being woken up and interrogated by reporters wearing masks against the smell, CQB denied any awareness of 2011 and said he'd simply taken a short nap and was now refreshed and ready to get to work. "All great artists need to take care of themselves in order to produce their best work. If that means not working for a while then I'm committed" he said through a mouthful of toast. "When I've finished my breakfast I shall put on some clothes and plug in. You'll be amazed at what I'm capable of." On being pressed about his twelve month absence he said "Well this is obviously nonsense and a technical error. I've never taken a year off and someone here is in denial." Pushing reporters away from his door and down the street, CQB was then arrested by a plain-clothed police officer for being unclothed in a residential area. PC Plod (real name) stated that the best that could be hoped for was that CQB would suffer "a little more than a dressing down" - at which point a dressing gown was wrapped around the semi-retired singer songwriter and he was whisked away to face the music. In a statement released through his solicitor CQB said, "I'm innocent. Very innocent. No one wins here." It was later reported that his solicitor was employed on a 'no win, no fee' contract and court action is now pending for avoidance of fees. CQB's future musical output is doubtful - but then it always has been...
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November 2010
Steven's Jellyfish Break the Mould

StevenDespite recent rumours spread by himself, CQB hasn't quit the music business - in fact, other rumours that he's formed a band with himself called Steven & the Jellyfish, have turned out to be true. A brand new little ditty called Song from the Heart is now available to sing along to and, all things being reasonable, there will be others soon. In CQB's own words "This is a minor achievement in the musical canon of Crazy Quilt Bouquet, and you wouldn't think that such a simple little song could take two years to bake - but when you have jellyfish to contend with it can all get a bit sticky". On hearing of his rumoured demise CQB said "Well people will believe anything won't they, yet they remain a suspicious lot and when the paparazzi are potentially making a movie out of your every move, you have to do what Paul [McCartney] did and take your shoes and socks off. I didn't have a zebra to cross but fortunately I had some jellyfish to paddle with." On the simplicity of his new song compared to previous work CQB recited a poem: "Steven's very simple, Fish are simple too, Jelly is quite wobbly, This song will have to do" and with that, ran off shouting "chips, chips, I need chips..."

Hopefully if you click this you can hear and download the song that nobody's talking about.
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August 2010
Steven & the Jellyfish

Steven & the Jellyfish"Having passed the point of no return it seemed that making a comeback was the only choice." These were the first words to be uttered by a rather startled CQB when he was caught making a rod for his own back. Straightening up he then said, "I've only been gone for a small while relative to eternity but I have to say it felt like an." At this point CQB thrust forward a large picture of a sheep and shouted, "This is where it's at now and will be for the seeforable future - watch out for Steven!" and ran off into the hills. Rumour has it that there is current activity and that someone is thinking about doing something other than messing about anymore. The next illogical step may prove to be the first one towards starting the 'Steven & the Jellyfish' project - something CQB has alluded to in the past but that has up until now eluded him. Until something else happens then, all we have is rumour - but please feel free to work your way backwards through the rest of this site and inform all those uninformed that something may be happening...        
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June 2009
CQB Quits While He's Still A Head

Losing faceCQB has decided to call it a day in order not to lose face - for today at least - and not for the last time. He stated quite clearly on the telephone yesterday (although mumbling and with the line cutting out) that he wanted to bow out tomorrow while he was still not at the top and he didn't want to disgrace himself by reaching it and looking down too quickly. "I'm a long term sufferer - as well as claustrophobia, agoraphobia and dyspepsia I have a fear of high lengths." said CQB next week. "If I look up and see the sky then I know my feet are planted firmly on the ground. If however, I look down and see the ground at my feet, they tend to get itchy and I’m reaching for the powder." Looking ahead towards the furniture CQB says he's set to return anytime he wants and doesn't see this as enforced retirement. "It's more just a case of laying low until someone remembers who I am and asks me to do something again. I don't see this as the end, I see it as the futon. It’s a chance for people to wonder why, when and if." Of his recent success with his website CQB muttered, "Well to be honest I thought more people from around the whole big world would be interested. I mean there’s been nothing from Daruny, Helvmark or Eirennia Scotia - and barely a sausage from Bavaria. It would be nice if someone contacted me and said how amazingly brilliant the site is – and I am. But I'm a psychiatric sort of chap and as my therapist often points out - you can't have everything or you'd want for nothing and then there'd be no point in pointing at anything." When pushed for a final word he said, "If anyone would like to send messages of congratulation, adulation, condolence, encouragement or general pleading - I will commit myself. I will realign myself with the stars and pull my finger out. That's a promise!" So, come on all you pop picnickers - take the challenge and give CQB his due due. Until then RIP CQB.
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December 2008
You, Me & Moz

You,Me,Morrissey (& CQB)CQB are pleased as punch to announce that their music has made it onto the virtual shelves of Subculture Books, an independent press located in San Francisco. Written by Sean Starr & Colin Nasseri 'You, Me and Morrissey' is a collection of autobiographical short stories capturing snapshots of love, loss, bigotry, violence, artistic birth, and mental illness. Each story is set to the soundtrack of a Smiths or Morrissey title or lyric, and documents the trials of youth and adulthood, and how the music and the ever-present spectre of Morrissey influenced and altered the paths of the authors forever. Interviewed about his connection with the book CQB said, "I'm really very chuffed that the chaps at Subculture recognised me for what I am - whatever that is. And I thank them for this opportunity." When asked what Morrissey has to do with CQB, he replied, "Morrissey doesn't have to do anything with me. But if you ask what he has done for me, well, he has his own voice and he helped me to find mine when I'd lost it. I don't sound like him, and I certainly don't look like him - but his spirit was definitely hanging around when these songs were made." He added, "Oh, and it would be a great Christmas present. The book that is..."
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September 15th 2008
Hats off to new mini album

Perhaps not so woolly after allAs Autumn approaches, the credit crunch bites and heating costs soar, CQB comes to the rescue once again with a free woolly hat. The 'WOOLLY HAT mini album' is a collection of the 5 most popular Crazy Quilt Bouquet songs and it's available as a free download from Jamendo. "This mini album represents a quick cruise across CQB waters in the hope that you might dip your toes into murkier depths" said the band's representative today. "When people's hearts have gone cold and they're feeling hot-headed they need something to warm their cockles. With this very generous gesture CQB hope to demonstrate how a few fine tunes can brighten up even the dullest day, and cheer up even the dullest person."
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September 2008
Crazy Bus - just the ticket

Ding Ding - all onboard?CQB jump off the bandwagon this September to unveil their new weapon against world catastrophe - the Crazy Bus. As they climb onboard the new environmentally neutral single decker with upstairs storage, CQB take the first step towards running down the uphill battle that is climate change. The original 'Bandwagon' that has up until now been the band's wagon, failed its MOT in July due to omitting foul & noxious smells out the backend. Being an enterprising entrepreneurial type, CQB saw this as an opportunity to improve the band's eco-friendly credentials by using a non-destructive form of transport. "We had concerns about our fan base slipping for some time" says CQB, "and we felt the need to tighten our belt. Environmentally speaking, getting from A to B has to be a priority for any band, but getting back to A safely also requires careful consideration." He went on to say, "We wanted something bright & colourful to celebrate travelling this merry-go-round world of ours - and to our supporters we wanted to say 'We care about your planet too'." The Crazy Bus does a maximum speed of only 25 miles per hour and runs on chip fat and candy floss, but CQB says that speed and sweetness isn't everything. "As my good old Dad used to say, 'when the chips are down - that's when you need the salt and vinegar'. It's hard to make sense in this world but from now on we will be saucing our chips with love from very emotionally environmental sources."
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August 9th 2008
Radio Play!

Crazy Quilt Bouquet got a mention on BBC Radio 4's Saturday Live programme today - but it's not really worth mentioning.
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June 2nd 2008
CQB Wins Award for Latest Peace Keeping Efforts

The Torch & Ukuleles in London on their way to BeijingCQB found himself spreading peace & love once again during the 'difficult' London leg of the Olympic Torch Relay on 6th April. The relay, supposed to symbolise world unity, instead turned into a parade of protest across the streets of London about China's human rights record and its recent clampdown on Tibet. CQB, talking after the event said, "Well, I just felt I had to step in and help - you know? While I understand that people are angry and have a right to voice that anger, I felt that a bit of fun might ease the pain of the day without belittling the very obviously strongly held views of the protesters." When asked how he got past security he said, "Well, I simply stopped one of the Metropolitan Police Bicycle Constables and they were more than happy for me to approach the Chinese officials to see what I could do. Contrary to their hostile reputation as blue track-suited thugs, I found them to be just very enthusiastic and up for a bit of a wheeze. I took along a few Ukuleles and said they were a small instrument of peace and they were very jolly about the whole thing." After the rally, CQB and the newly formed Chinese Guard Ukulele Orchestra performed a free 2 hour concert in Hyde Park to torch-bearers and protesters alike. On receiving his award from PPO (Piecemeal Peace Offerings) a slightly smug looking CQB said, "It just goes to show how music can bridge the gaps created by sports and human rights issues. It's been a proud day."
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April 1st 2008
National TV for CQB

WOW indeed as CQB appears on CQBBCCQB is about to play his first acting role on TV in a public information film to encourage young readers to go to the library more often. "I was first approached at the beginning of January" says CQB. "To be honest, when I was told it was the 'National Year of Reading', I thought I'd be making a quick trip to Berkshire and maybe have the chance meet up with Steve Coppell and discuss tactics to help his club's fight to remain in the Premiership. It was only when books started coming through my door that I realised we were talking about the verb not the noun." He went on to say, "Sometimes, when I was a nipper, I often found myself in a white fog with a red mist descending and I'd end up in a black hole. Being colour-blind, I found that reading was the only thing that helped. The weekly trips to the library were life saving."
See the (not very) exciting full Storyboard
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March 1st 2008
Bellicose Unity Trust World Peace Tour - Around The World In 7 Days!

The Nevavda desert is the first stop for The Bellicose Unity Trust World Peace TourThey said it wasn't possible - but CQB set off on a 7 date 7 countries World Peace Tour on 22nd February, in support of The Bellicose Unity Trust (BUT). In just one week, starting in the Nevada desert, CQB busked his way through America, Mongolia, Australia, Indonesia, India, Israel and Egypt. There had been worries expressed by certain Government officials about the potential ecological damage of his tour, and just before setting off on the first of his flights CQB responded to these concerns with, "Well, I always choose footwear with charcoal insoles and I have it on good authority that this should off-set my carbon imprint - and anyway, for each country I play in I will be planting a tree when I get home. That's seven trees! - and I've only got a small garden." He went on to explain, "Of course, I've been very lucky with it being a Leap Year - it means that I can do my 7 day tour and still have an extra day to get back in time for March - how ecologically sound is that?" When asked why he was embarking on such a gruelling schedule CQB answered in his usual chipper way with, "What's gruelling about promoting world peace?"
Doodle Sketchley photos
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January 2008
The Resurrection of Abacus Count

The young & gifted CountCQB's close childhood friend Abacus Count has finally released his online 'Compendium' of poetry and prose. A child prodigy from an early age, the reclusive Count decided that he didn't want to grow up anymore, and made the adult decision to stay immature and exist in a world of innocence, naivety, impulsiveness and happiness. CQB said of his friend's work, "I personally love it. His poetry and stories are just an exquisite exploration of simpleness. I'm so pleased he's allowed the world to finally come to terms with him."
The original online Count's Compendium
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December 2007
Christmas Japan Gig cancelled

Merry Christmas from CQBCQB are to cancel a special one-off Japanese Christmas concert planned for 22nd December. Much speculation & rumour has forced a statement from a CQB spokesperson who said, "CQB would like to send his profound apologies to anyone intending to go to this gig, but he realised too late that he had no time left to do his Christmas shopping and that Japan was further away than he'd imagined. He wishes all his fans, and at this special time, his enemies too, a very wonderful festive period, suggests that you don't eat and drink too much - and he looks forward to seeing you in 2008. (Not in Japan though)."
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November 2007
If You Want To Get Ahead Get A Hat - Woolly Hats Sales Soar

Comfortable and semi wind-resistantA representative of the Hat Info Stats & Hair Enchancement Results Society (UK) has expressed mild surprise and relief at the impact a song has had on previously dwindling sales of a comfortable and semi wind-resistant fashion item - the woolly hat. Apparently, since the release of a new CD by Devon popsters CQB, fans hearing the song '(I've Got A) Woolly Hat' have realised they don't have sufficient winter headwear for the impending bad weather. The HIS & HERS representative said, "At the society we had noticed a drop in sales compared to normal for this time of year, and we were worried that with the possiblity of bird flu and unforseen circumstances, we may have been heading for a turbulent time - both weather wise and in sales. The fortunate upturn in consumer buying has increased our confidence in getting through another winter and we're extremely grateful to Mr.Bouquet for his help." CQB responded by saying, "I've always been a great supporter of this society and it's an honour to be associated in such a positive way. It's very gratifying to know that more people will stay safe and warm this winter as a result of my music."
Listen to the Woolly Hat song
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October 2007 Press Release
New CD for Oxjam? - hope so

hope soCrazy Quilt Bouquet is the band name, and one of the many aliases, of a self-confessed musicholic who prefers to remain nameless. With his special brand of quirky lyrics and melodic tunes, he's sold over 600 CDs worldwide via the internet, on a not for profit basis and to great (well, quite good) critical acclaim. That may not seem many, but as CQB puts it, "For an unsigned, self-promoted singer songwriter of no repute, that's better than coming second in a one horse race…" He's now put together a 15 track CD of new songs - 'hope so' - for charity, selling it for only £3 with a minimum of £1 from each sale going to Oxfam. CQB says, "Originally I was going to do this just for the month of October to support Oxjam – Oxfam's annual fundraising music event – but there was such a good reaction that I thought, why not carry on selling it like this? I get heard and Oxfam get a few quid." He goes on to say, "I've always made my music on a D.I.Y. not-for-profit basis and I thought releasing an independent CD for charity would fit in well with the ethos of Oxfam's work. I'm the songwriter, musician, producer, label printer, cover inserter, envelope stuffer, stamp sticker and post boy – it's truly an independent CD!" As a Pop journeyman, CQB says he's come a long way since his home town beginnings in Nottingham UK. Two hundred and twenty eight miles to be exact - when he re-located to the small seaside town of Teignmouth. "Well I really took Devon by storm four years ago. It was raining heavily when I first arrived and I literally came here as a wet behind the ears unsung singer songwriter, looking to make a small name for myself. Now I feel like I'm virtually there! I know I'm not exactly famous, or even infamous, so I can't really sell myself on my celebrity status - but I'll just be really pleased if I manage to raise some funds for Oxfam." When asked to describe the sound of Crazy Quilt Bouquet his response is suitably enigmatic. "Well it's difficult to say & it's usually best to let the listener decide for themselves, which they can via the website. It's not exactly Seth Lakeman – although I do live in Devon. It's not The Arctic Monkeys - but I am on MySpace. It's not Prince - but I do give my music away for free. And it's not Badly Drawn Boy – although I do have a woolly hat!"

You can now listen to and download 'hope so' for free in mp3 format by going to Jamendo.


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September 2007
Norman Bland Band Banned

Norman BlandCQB’s new tribute band - The Norman Bland Band - have been banned for being too bland. CQB said to reporters, “I originally planned the band because of demand for cover bands. Having not been a big fan of nostalgia for a long time now, I decided I would only do it for lots of ‘charity’ money, and only if I could play all the songs on just two chords – G7 & C. I also didn’t want to do songs about love or hate or anything with ‘baby’ in the chorus.” Hoping for a Christmas number one, 'The Unoriginal Recordings of Norman Bland’ was originally set for release in December – with all proceeds from CD sales going to The Resurrection of O‘Riginal Regional Recordings Register, but on hearing the album the Register declared it to be “rubbish”. A regional representative said, “We don’t want this sort of boring, insipid, uninspired unoriginal recording registered with us or representing us in this region. We wish Mr.Bucket would just leave us alone and allow us to get on.” CQB was visibly upset when asked to respond to this criticism and said, “As you can see, I’m visibly upset by this criticism and believe it in no way reflects an attempt to get publicity for myself. My heart was in the right place at the wrong time and being assertive has got me into trouble again. I wish the R'RRRR well, but ask that in future they keep their big noses out of my business.” CQB has stated that he doesn’t intend to release the recordings with his own label on, or make them available as boot-leggings.
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July 23rd 2007
East European Tour Kicks Off With An Award

Tatiana Helinski receives the pink guitar award - just before the first gig in TeignmuczTatiana Helinski receives 'The CQB Pink Guitar Award' on the first night of Crazy Quilt Bouquet's East European Tour. Starting in Teignmucz, the two week tour will visit Torquez, Dawlisi, Paignski, Mortinzhadstard and Starzcroz, returning again on Sunday 5th August to Teignmucz for a special final outside performance in TheTrianglize. The Pink Guitar Award goes to overseas supporters of CQB who show particular dedication and determination in getting to see performances. Tatiana managed to get tickets to all seven East European concerts, not just for herself, but for her entire school. She is also attempting to twin her home town of Teignmucz with Teignmouth in Devon, so that in the future students will be able to come to the UK on exchange visits in order to see CQB play. Well done Tatiana - you're a real fan.

Doodle & CQBCQB were fortunate to once again have the world famously unknown artist Doodle Sketchley on board for this trip - she forgot to pack her camera but still managed to capture some of the magical moments that made this tour what it was and what it wasn't.

Doodle Sketchley tour pics
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May 1st 2007
European Busking Tour

A kagouled start in Amsterdam to the European Busking Tour Following an extended 'dead' period, CQB went live again with The European Busking Tour of 2007. After a wet start in Amsterdam, the tour fulfilled all expectations as a total of £15.65 was raised for The International Fruit Preservation Society. After an exhausting ten day schedule travelling through Brussels, Paris, Lourdes, Barcelona, Ibiza and ending in a rather drunken sing-song with the locals at The Pantheon in Rome. A tired CQB said on his arrival back in the UK, "I've always wanted to jam around Europe, and despite having to get myself out of a few sticky situations it's been a pretty sweet experience. I hope I've finally taken the lid off the jar and people will see that CQB is not just a dried up, stay at home fruitcake with something better to do."

Doodle Sketchley photos
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February 2007
Appearance on Vibraphonic FM

CQB spent the evening with Pete Bishop & Mark Armitage for two hours of music and chat on Vibraphonic FM as part of Exeter's 2007 Vibraphonic Festival. Pete first came across CQB when he picked up a copy of the Juicy Cuts compilation CD and played 'Lavender Girl' on his radio show in 2006. You can hear a short edited version of CQB's input here.
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April 1st 2006
A Last Attempt At Stardom

ALASWhen asked why he was putting out his discarded crappy old tunes on April Fool's Day, CQB bristled with indignation and replied "Actually they're not crap! And we're not fools. The aim of ALAS is to get some of the older music of CQB heard - and there are some real gems on here so I've been told. This 18 track collection is full of scintillating wit, quirky tunes, mellow moments and sardonic angst - well, we like to think so anyway. It also has some nice music on it. Some people I know have said "it's actually quite good.""

ALAS is available for free download by going to Jamendo
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November 2005
CQB appear on Juicy Cuts Album

Juicy Cuts CDCQB's song 'Lavender Girl' appears on a compilation of South West music - 'Juicy Cuts' - featuring bands from around the region. Despite being billed as 'The' Crazy Quilt Bouquet, the band says they are "really chuffed to bits - it's great publicity and hopefully it will lead to new opportunities for collaboration with other local musicians". CQB went on to say, "As a band we all chew gum and when it was suggested that we might try and get a track on a CD called 'Juicy Cuts' - and then when we saw the cover - well it shocked us really. The hand of fate was prodding us with one of its long fingers and saying, 'You have to do it lads' - so we did."
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August 2nd 2005
Remastered Albums released

XXXXDog's DinnerCQB 2005Three albums have just been remastered - XXXX from 2002, Dog's Dinner from 2003 & CQB from 2005. "Hopefully these remastered versions will breathe new life into old songs - I also took the opportunity of adding a few bonus tracks to 'XXXX' and 'Dog's Dinner'" said CQB. "I always felt the original recordings were a little bit flat and lacked depth of sound, but the remastering process adds that little bit of zing to the songs. Being produced in-house does mean that the sound tends to be a bit quieter than 'professionally' produced & mastered albums, but that's not really a problem - you just turn the volume up a bit! The remastering is more about revealing the hidden depths - if there are any..."

All three albums are available for freedownload by going to Jamendo
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January 6th 2005
Midfielder Compilation

Midfielder"I'm very excited by this CD" said CQB. "Midfielder is a ten track compilation CD that spans several albums and acts as an introduction to Crazy Quilt Bouquet. For those who don't know my music yet - which is most people - this disc brings together some old and new tracks that I hope will encourage people to investigate further."

Midfielder is available on for free download by going to Jamendo
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October 21st 2004
AMIF Deny Reunion Tour

AMIFLife long collaborators & friends of CQB, 'And My Imaginary Friends' have said there is "absolutely no bloody chance" of a reunion tour. Lead singer Robyn Lever spoke to journalists outside his maisonette on Monday, in order to finally dispel rumours of any reconciliation between the members of the band once known as 'the next best thing that never was'. "We have no intention of even speaking to each other, never mind re-forming" said Robyn. "We were together far too long in the first place - as most bands are. And when you look at what's happening with all the other bands that are getting back together it's not encouraging is it? Let's face it, most of them are an embarrassment and never sound as good as they did the first time. Having said that, we'd probably sound better. If people really want to hear us then they can always get hold of a copy of our album 'Love Letters & Medication'. That's all there is to it really. Thanks to our fans for the support over the years - but AMIF are dead". And with that Mr. Lever slammed the door in reporters faces and closed his curtains.

Love Letters & Medication is available for free download by going to Jamendo.
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January 29th 2004
CQB Faces Music After Disappearance

What's going on 'ere then?Crazy Quilt Bouquet's lead singer walked into his local constabulary yesterday and reported that he'd been missing for one month. The dishevelled and frankly rather smelly figure of CQB later talked to press gathered outside his home and said, "It was almost a year since the band had moved to the South West and we hadn't had the expected hit record yet. We were all feeling a bit low & I couldn't cope with the internal arguments anymore. It had been a really crap Christmas & I just needed to get away." When asked where he'd been, CQB replied, "I spent the first week drunk in a hotel in Malaga and the second sober at a meditation retreat in the Sierra Nevada. The last two weeks are a blur but I think I moved mainly between Newcastle & Middlesborough trying to find myself. Now I have." CQB turned himself into the police at 3.45am on January 28th but a spokesperson from the CID said, "We are unfortunately unable to do anything as there hasn't been any report of a disappearance." He added, "No one noticed Mr Quilt had gone and we suspect this may have been an unheard cry for help and a failed publicity stunt." CQB denies any personal involvement in his own disappearance.
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January 2003
CQB Take Devon By Storm

The big arrivalIn January 2003 CQB arrive in Devon to what they think is the sound of tumultuous applause but turns out to be rain. After many years in the wilderness, the move to the South West heralds new beginings and false endings. Narrowly avoiding low flying aircraft landing at Exeter Airport, the intrepid band start a new life and spend much of the next year unpacking boxes and trying to make new friends with the locals. Despite all good intentions of a massive explosion onto the South West music scene and the completion of two albums (Dog's Dinner and CQB), almost nothing is heard from them for nearly two years.
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