Perhaps the best way to discover more about CQB is to read the full transcript of an interview with Rychard Wychsideizwych for SuspiciousTV. This originally aired as part of a documentary called Inside the Outside Mind celebrating 'The Ordinariness of Idiocy'. It went out in the early hours of a forgotten Sunday morning.

Oh hi - yeah - that seems to be ok now - plugged in - light's on - this time we're really rolling. So can we go back over the last three questions again, and erm, just pretend you haven't already answered them...

...So, Crazy Quilt Bouquet - that's quite unusual - what's the story behind it?

Well, as I was just saying Dick, it's been difficult over the years with the name calling and graffiti, so I just wanted to change things a bit.

Yes, I understand you had a bit of trouble with bullying in school over your family name?

Well yes - but that was a long time ago and as I've already said, I don't want to go into that. Anyway - I just wanted something that sounded a bit different, and it's been well documented how it came about so I don't really feel the need to answer that again.

Oh, ok then - well let's move on with something a bit less personal then. What would you say is the best piece of advice you've ever been given?

That's so easy. It's something my very first psychotherapist said to me as I was leaving her office for the last time. She said "Whatever you do, don't be yourself." I've never forgotten that. I found it illuminating and surprisingly easy to follow - I've lived by it ever since.

So would you say you don't know who you are anymore?

No, I'm not willing to say that. In fact I'll say just the opposite - I know exactly who I am and which is my best side. My best side's hidden and I know enough about myself now to feel confident letting the others have a chance.

Some might suggest you're in denial and hide behind different band names and aliases because you don't like yourself very much.

No, I completely deny that. I use different names because the others don't seem to like mine very much.

A bit paranoid maybe?

I believe everyone is.

I'm finding it hard to erm, know when you're being serious and when you're joking.

Yes you are, aren't you.

OK - on to the music then. Some people, myself included, might wonder if your lyrics are autobiographical. Is this the only way people can get to know you?

Well lyrics, you know, just come through. I've never really understood where from but obviously they're chanelled by me - so in that respect they're bound to be at least semi-autobiographical. But if you were to ask me if they're about myself...

Well, yes, I did ask you that really.

...then I'd have to say possibly. I mean, I mention a lot of people in my songs - like Tom The Bigamist, Anthony Pig & Maureen. They exist. I know them. Not necessarily as humans, but they're real, you know? They kind of live and breathe. Critics have often said to me that I take the easy route of finding weak spots & characterising and embellishing traits - and my response to that is, well, it's quite difficult actually.

Right, that's interesting.


So what would you say have been your main musical influences?

Well I read a lot. Children's books mostly. I find them more direct - and shorter. I especially like the Joey Pigza books by Jack Gantos and stuff by Louis Sachar. They have that scatty but serious side to them. I also watch a great deal of films and find some of the imagery useful for pulling ideas together. I really like Kieslowski's films, Dekalog, The Three Colours Trilogy and The Double Life of Veronique. I guess you could say they're serious with a scatty side to them. Oh and food - a good curry can be inspirational.

And which comes first for you - words? - music?

Yes that's right. Absolutely correct.

As we've already touched on, you operate under many different pseudonyms. How has that developed and why?

That's really evolved from another piece of good advice, given to me by my alternative faith healer. And I quote, "If at first you don't succeed - try it under a different name." Well I've been trying for a long time.

I'm sure you have. Now I'd like to try and help our viewers get to know you a bit better by asking you some quick-fire questions, if that's ok.

Sure. Fire away. Quick.

Alright! let's get "inside the outside mind" of CQB...


Tea or coffee?

Are we having a break? Tea yeah - black please, no sugar, touch of milk. Any biscuits?

Err no. That was the first of the quick-fire questions actually. Let's try another. Are you ruled by your head or your heart?


You're finding this quite difficult aren't you. OK - how about this one - rent or mortgage?

Rent. Unless, of course, you can afford a mortgage.

In-laws or Outlaws?

I've always found In-laws relatively supportive.

The price of fish?

Sardines are much underated.

Nearest and dearest?

Yes, that does often seem to be the case.

Blankets or quilt?

Do you need to ask?

Umbrella or raincoat?

Are we finished? - I'll call my chauffeur.

Just a few more questions before you go. What do you like most about life?

I Love life. All life.

What do you hate most?

You've just got to stop hating. You've got to learn to love.

Any other recommendations?

If you're in a hurry it's quicker to slow down. Wounds heal faster with a pinch of salt.

Staying on a philosophical note - what would you say your philosophy of life is?

Huh - now there's a biggie! Well, I guess we don't know where we came from. We don't know where we go. And we certainly don't know what we're doing while we're here. Better just pick up the old guitar and write songs about it.

Would you like to save the world?

Hell, yes - Heaven help us.

How would you like to be remembered?

I suppose just being remembered would be pretty cool. A column in the local classifieds. A hit record or two.

OK - that just about wraps it up. Any last bit of styling advice?

Curled straight hair lasts longer that straightened curly hair.

Don't forget - you heard it here first. A big thank you to CQB. See you next time. A very good night to you all - thanks for watching.

Off air - but on record

Cheers Dick. I really enjoyed myself - but did you have to do such serious digging?

It's a serious programme I'm afraid.

No need to be afraid Dick. Where's that cup of tea then...

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